To My Body: An Apology Long Overdue

I'm sorry that I
hurt you
berated you
and called you names
hit you
told you you were fat
and stupid
and ugly
and made you believe it
I'm sorry I made you starve and hate yourself for it
I'm sorry I measured
(and celebrated)
how small you were becoming
every morning.
and night

I'm sorry I abused you
instead of treating you with the love you deserve

I'm sorry I made you weak
and cold
and hot
and tired
and when you wanted to shut down
I hit you
screamed at you
and pushed you on anyway
and when you tried to take a stand
and do what you needed to do
to survive
I punished you
and hated you

Sometimes I still hate you
I think a part of me always will
But I love you
also
and I'm sorry